Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
