Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
