My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
