just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
