you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
