So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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