I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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