These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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