Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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