Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
