my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
