Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You've changed since you got that strap on
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