There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
