Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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