Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
