dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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