dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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