my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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