I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
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this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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