He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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