I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
