If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
