I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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