from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
