im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
