He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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