we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We had to coat check the pizza.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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