What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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