after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
