Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
