I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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