i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
