I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
