I like my sex mixed with concussions.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
