I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
