Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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