My first STD was from a foam party
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
