last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
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screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
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I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night