I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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