i already hear my dad disowning me
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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