'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
