She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
should my penis look like a turkey
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
