garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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