Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You ate ashes out of my bong
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