Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
