I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Are my feet made of real feet?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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