I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Can't talk, ducks in the car
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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