Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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