What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
