Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
