so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
