if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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