At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
