My hand turned me down
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
