My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
