Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
