I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
