I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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