Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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