dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
