The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
