This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
