Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Floor bacon is actually really good
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
