fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
