I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
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Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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