This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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